Can I be honest with you?
I’ve been lying. Which seems like a TOTAL oxymoron. I KNOW.
But, for the past few “Sunday reflections” I have been telling you that I have gone off the food scale, and have been trying to learn how to eat intuitively and work through the “scary food thoughts.”
The “working through the scary food thoughts” part wasn’t a lie. I am still doing that, and it IS getting easier.
Albeit, REALLY SLOWLY.
And I DID go off the scale, but have back on it for about a month now. Apparently I don’t know how the heck to listen to my body, because I lost weight. Like a lot of it.
Which happens every single time I go “off plan.” And I am honestly really frustrated with myself. It really shouldn’t be THIS hard to eat enough food to just maintain my body weight.
PHEW. It feels better to get off my chest.
However, what I do have to say is this: The first few weeks of being back “on plan” were terrible. I got right back into being obsessive-oh-my-gosh-I-think-I-had-ONE-GRAM-extra-Peanut-Butter-today-THE-HORROR calorie counting ways.
It was miserable. I was miserable. Just ask Mr. FFF.
BUT THEN, we had a guest speaker at church last weekend who was AMAZING. Side note: it feels SO great to go to church regularly again. We really like the one that we’ve been trying, and we’re even going to a BBQ tonight to check out a Community group!
Anyway. The speaker preached on “getting up.” Basically that a lot of us are living our lives “sitting down” and not really achieving our true potential. He asked “what is killing you?” and gave the 3 areas that people generally fall into:
- The “safety snare.” He said that you would never kill a giant if being safe was your number one priority.
- The “Fear Factor.” He said being afraid either makes you insane, or paralyzes you from making a step
- The “Folly of Familiarity.” Thoughts of “well, it’s not THAT BAD.”
And, my peeps, I am being killed by ALL of these. Not just one. ALL. OF. THEM.
And I never even thought about it in terms of “killing me.” Which makes it, umm, SO MUCH MORE URGENT TO GET OVER. As he said “why are you sitting and watching your own dreams waste away?
Ever since that service, I have stopped being AS obsessive with calorie counting. Since I HAVE to gain weight (in order to actually be healthy) I do need to be on a plan, or I just won’t eat enough. But I just stopped being obsessive about it being super-exact-perfect-right-down-to-the-10-calories. When the obsessive-ness starts, I have been thinking “SO WHAT if I eat a few extra calories and gain weight faster than I would prefer? Does God care? NO WAY!”
I know it’s been only a week, but it’s been nice to slowly take that baby step.
Anyway. That’s not REALLY a sermon reflection or anything, just what I have been dealing with during the week. I’d love to hear what your week has been like, or what area you feel is “killing you” and how you plan to make a baby step to change it this week!
Sidenote: I did not come up with the quote on the featured image, but I couldn’t find the source. It’s somewhere from Pinterest – sorry to the person who originally created it!
molly @ there goes molly rosey says
your honesty is inspiring. You will get to where you need to be when it comes to food, and I think you’ll like it so much, you’ll want to stay there! Personally, not that I’m a nutritionist or anything, but if I were you, I would simply eat double the servings of everything you create in your kitchen 😉 It all looks DEEElicious and makes my mouth water with every pic on insta. of course I’m just making light of things, but know you are on my heart and in my prayers.
Taylor Kiser says
HAHAHA I love your advice, and I probably should take it 😉 But thank you for always being so encouraging and for the prayers – they mean a lot Molly! 😀
Cassie says
I’ve been feeling a little on the orthorexic side as well and need to start intuitive eating more properly in order to be the role model my followers do 🙁 I’m hoping that I’ll learn to find a happy medium with my body and accept its imperfections!
Taylor Kiser says
Ugh, orthorexic is EXACTLY what I am! We can both do it girl! Because imperfection is perfection right? 🙂
Liz says
We all fall off diets, etc. and it’s great to get back on and you feel better about yourself. Have a good week, Taylor.
Taylor Kiser says
Thanks Liz! And you too! 😀
Catherine says
Thank you for being so honest. I struggle with the exact same thing and recently went a little backward on the scale too. It is do hard and frustrating, but I find comfort and hope in God. I just finished a study on 1 & 2 Timothy. In the last chapter of 2 Timothy, Paul reminds us that God is always with us, in every situation. Despite the obstacles in life (jail for him, obsession, ect for me), God is my fortress! I love these posts and your honesty though!
Taylor Kiser says
It does comfort me to know I am not the only one who goes backwards on the scale, it seems so uncommon. Thank you for the encouraging words Catherine! We BOTH can do this girl!
Kirsti J-K says
I really appreciate your honesty Taylor! Especially as it’s a touchy subject.
Having had an eating disorder myself and being in recovery for two years now, I understand where you are at. And oddly enough even though I feel like I have been more on track with my diet than ever this year (even my family and boyfriend say this)… I too have recently lost weight! :/ ugh! It is not easy to get back, but that doesn’t mean we can’t 🙂
Keep up the positive thinking and making your tasty (not to mention super healthy so don’t worry) recipes!
Taylor Kiser says
You are so right that it doesn’t mean we cant! It’s funny how we can be on track, but still back slide.
Thank you so much for the encouraging words Kirsti – you rock!