Sunday Reflections Fifty Five

Hi Sunday friends! It’s been awhile!

However, the “while” has been for a VRY VRY GOOD reason. I’ve been wanting to wait to write a Sunday post until I had been through a few weeks of COUNSELLING!

That’s right. I’ve FINALLY decided to get serious about kicking my mental battle with food and I’ve been working with an amazing Christian Counsellor for the past month.

You guys. I wish I would have done this SO much sooner, instead of trying to do it all my own.

I’ve always been one of those very independent-do-everything-yourself-kinda people, so I just thought I could follow my little plan and EVENTUALLY I would somehow just be free without changing what I was doing. Maybe if I just read my Bible for 10 more minutes a day, and memorize more verses, THEN I would finally get 100% free.

As you know, that has not been the case.

So, I decided to seek help.

It’s been amazing. It’s been eye-opening and, most of all, it’s been REALLY SUPER SCARY.

In the past 3 weeks I have eaten Subway white chocolate chip cookies, drank more wine, eaten a blueberry scone made with – GASP- WHITE FLOUR AND, this week? I ATE A DONUT. A WHOLE DONUT. NOT BAKED. FRIED.

My first donut in almost 10 years. Also ,my first cookie and scone in about the same time. And, I did them all without compensating for them. Usually when I eat “scary foods” I just take that many calories out of my day the next day to make up for it.

But, my counsellor said that’s a “no-go.”

Guess what you guys. I DIDN’T GAIN ANY WEIGHT. I’ve told you how I have “fear foods” and they are “scary” because I assume I will eat them and gain 10 pounds over night.

My counsellor has forced me to test this theory. And, it doesn’t hold any water. In fact, I have actually learned that I, uhh, REALLY LIKE these “scary foods” and that they are 100% okay in moderation. Every food fits.

Also, the more I do it, the less scary it becomes. Additionally, the more I challenge myself, the less I am finding myself thinking about food in general.

She has pushed me to redefine beauty, and to start seeing beauty in other ways. The most eye-opening task I had was to go one week and “check out” other women who DO NOT fit my current mold of “ideal beauty” – super lean, ripped, 6 pack etc. It was SO eye opening to realize that I honestly, DO NOT pay any attention to other kinds of beauty. I only see women who have what I want and other kinds of beauty don’t even register. So, that is something I am going to continue working on!

We are working towards changing my thought patterns and aligning them with God’s truth. I feel hopeful and excited and like I am finally going to be 100% free in the near future!

I know that wasn’t super “reflectiony” but I wanted to give you an update on what’s going on!